CONFRONTATION, ENTERTAINMENT AT ITS BEST

Since the flu bug I picked up last week is still with me, I've had a lot of time to lay about the house feeling miserable and sorry for myself. As much fun as this can be at times it can also be pretty boring so in an effort to be productive I tried something new; I became addicted to BBC's The Apprentice.

I don't typically watch this 12-week reality series because of an unpredictable schedule but also because it's so unreal. If we're honest, is there anyone who believes that the candidates are selected for their potential as employees and not for the group dynamic and personal conflicts that the producers are hoping to promote for the sake of ratings? Of course we don't believe it. However real or unreal, the formula does work. Take me for example; thanks to an enforced confinement and the generosity of a person called "ebeleys" at a certain video-sharing website, in the past two days I've watched the complete first series and I'm halfway through series three. I'm hooked.

For sheer entertainment, you can't beat it. First, there are the candidates. In series one (as in most series probably), it was a fairly mixed bag of individuals including managers from all sectors; communications, direct sales, hotel, retail, etc. I believe some of them were really in it for the advancement opportunity and larger salary but on the other side there was an investment banker, a property developer, a financial analyst and an internet entrepreneur. Each one of these candidates waxed poetic about what successful businessmen they were, but how successful are you really if you would give up your lucrative business to work as an apprentice to Sir Alan Sugar for a paltry 100,000 quid a year? Can you say "launchpad to bigger things"? I can.

Nevertheless, the premise of the show is that each candidate demonstrate their intelligence and business acumen by going through a series of tasks arranged by Sir Alan to prove who is the best qualified. I have respect for the candidates because some of the tasks looked extremely difficult, but if we're honest, that's not why we watch. The real reason we watch is for the confrontation between the candidates, and Sir Alan does confrontation very well. All the participants live in the same house (confrontation). Initially they are paired off into "boy" versus "girl" teams (confrontation). After a few tasks and no small amount of backstabbing, Sir Alan shifts groups around (confrontation) and each losing team leader must select two team members to go with him/her to "the firing line" (confrontation). Let's face it, The Apprentice is a twelve-week train wreck, and we can't not watch.

Despite all the education and experience professed by the candidates, the smartest man by far is Sir Alan Sugar himself. He really is my type of boss. A self-made millionaire who left school at the age of sixteen, he has a brusque East End accent, he says "bloody awful" a lot, he calls people "nutters" (among other things), and most important to my viewing pleasure, he cuts to the quick any nonsense being talked by the candidates (more confrontation). I know bulls**t when I hear it, and I sit grinning on the edge of my chair waiting for Sir Alan to verbally dismember the candidates and unceremoniously hand their heads back to them (third-party confrontation).

Maybe that's why we enjoy The Apprentice, and shows like it, so much. We can root for the best, 'hiss' at the worst, enjoy a little confrontation, and in the comfort of our own homes, no one gets hurt.