THIS (SHOW) BETTER BE FUNNY.....

Tomorrow night at that posh Concert Hall on the Potomac River where I make a few bucks, I'm working two back-to-back performances with stand-up comedian Jerry Seinfeld. Both shows have been sold out for months, Kennedy Center employees who normally don't work in the Concert Hall have been fighting for a chance to work these shows, but for some reason, I have absolutely no interest in being there, and would gladly give up my place, if Management would let me (they won't).

I can say that I categorically do not like Jerry Seinfeld, but I'm also categorically embarrassed to say I'm not sure why. I never saw one episode of his long-running situation comedy Seinfeld, I've never seen one of his many televised stand-up comedy shows, and I've never read any of his writings. So, what have I got against him? To paraphrase the old song title, "I don't know, why, I just don't".

If I'm completely honest though, I think the big turn-off for me is how overly hyped in the media he was throughout the run of his series. You couldn't pick up a magazine, watch a commercial or see an entertainment-related television show without someone waxing poetic about the genius that is Jerry Seinfeld, and that kind of thing has always been a turn-off for me. It reminds me of my younger days in motion picture distribution, where a weak picture would be given a "saturation booking", which means to book it into every theatre possible for as short a time as possible (usually no longer than two weeks), advertise as much as possible, and create a "buzz" about the picture so everyone will want buy a ticket out of curiosity, if for no other reason.

Rationally though, I know there was no 'saturation' job done on his hit comedy show; it had way too long a run to be able to sustain the ratings it received, so what is it with me and Seinfeld? Maybe he's just not my kind of comic...wait, hold that because I'm a big fan of comedians Eddie Izzard, Ray Romano, Paul Merton, Michael McIntyre, Jonathan Ross and other cutting edge comics, so that's not it either. Heck, even the Kennedy Center's press for this show states, " Jerry Seinfeld has an uncanny ability to joke about the little things in life that everyone relates to", and that description sounds suspiciously familiar to my very own description of Notes From the Light Side", so that theory is awash as well.

Anyway, while I can't put my finger on why I dislike him so, the situation will be resolved one way or another tomorrow night, because I'll be in close proximity to Mr Seinfeld and his wacky humor (yes, I'm being sarcastic there) for many hours, so I'll walk away either liking him intensely or disliking him more immensely. ** Either way I win though because, regardless of the outcome, I take comfort in the fact that some of Mr Seinfeld's money is going into my pocket.

(** As much as I hate to admit it, my gut instinct tells me I'm going to walk away liking him intensely. We'll see....)

IF THERE'S A HEAVEN, I HOPE IT HAS EBAY

Without being immodest, I can say I'm a woman fairly free of economic folly; I drive a twelve year-old car (and, being a Subaru, no one except a true "petrol-head" can tell how old it is), I prefer a classic dress sense (read: I can wear the same clothing for years), and most of my durable furniture is from La-Z-Boy, which means it will probably be functional long after I am.

Where I let the team down though is in the area of what I'll call binge buying, meaning, if I buy something and enjoy it, I have to own an entire set of whatever that item may be; DVD box sets, books by a particular author, and so on. A good example of a recent binge would be airline dinnerware. Yes, you read that right, airline dinnerware. I now have a collection of plates, cups saucers, ramekins, cutlery and cloth napkins from the best of 'em; United, Delta, TWA, Western, Pan Am, National, and a few other airlines you've probably not heard of if you were born after 1979. Some people may think, "well, you're just a collector", but the truth is I'm not. A true collector buys things but doesn't sell them while a binge buyer a) buys things b) keeps buying until bored with it, then c) gives the stuff away. At least, that used to be the case until eBay came around. Now, I can buy all the bunny rabbit salt and pepper shakers I want, knowing full well that when the obsession passes, the Salvation Army stores won't have more stuff on their shelves. I can now get my money back by selling it on eBay.

Selling on eBay can be a bit tricky for a beginner but it's actually quite easy to do, and the more often you sell, the simpler the process becomes. When I first started selling on eBay, the entire shipping/feedback/PayPal transaction system completely baffled me, and my first few sales were completed with me in a seemingly perpetual state of confusion, but working the process is really the best way to learn. And, it's amazing to see what some people will buy; a magazine I was fully prepared to toss in the recycle bin sold in a bidding war between three buyers for $202.00. An out-of-print, spoken word CD that was a gift long forgotten fetched $175.00, and a buyer in Australia paid $45.00 in shipping charges alone (the item itself sold for $15.00) for an old cup and saucer from the 20th Century Fox studio in Los Angeles. Of course, it's not all wins; I've listed a few items that never received a bid, but it's a no-loss situation; I get to keep the item. As much as l like to sell however, there are some things I would never sell on eBay. Jewelry, clothing, appliances, and the like are all great categories in which to sell, but there's plenty of "pros" on eBay doing that, and I leave them to it. But for the binge-buyer like me, who collects oddities such as old movie posters, DVD box sets, old sheet music, cups and saucers, salt and pepper shakers, and yes, even airline collectibles, selling on eBay is heaven. I can indulge my binge to my hearts content, secure in the knowledge that another binge-buyer is out there somewhere to take it off my hands when I'm ready to sell it.

You'll have to excuse me now, a bidder in Israel just bought my VHS copy of an obscure made-for TV-movie, A Fire In The Sky. Time to fill out my Customs Declaration.

GOODNIGHT, SWEET PRINCESS

Today marks the fourteen-day anniversary of the passing of my dog Trixie. She was a sweet, well-mannered, pure-bred pug, whose only form of aggression manifested itself by the act of "kissing" someone to the point of bodily harm. She was very popular with my neighbors in the condominium community where I live because of her habit of occupying a corner of the balcony, irrespective of the weather, and greeting all passers by with a yelp or two, knowing full well she was protected from retaliation by a storey in height, and some metal railings.

Trixie had been ill for some time. Diagnosed in June '09 with Grade III Mastocytoma, a relatively common cancer in canines, it had developed past the point of surgery and her advancing years became the primary reason for the decision of palliative care alone. Despite this, she was her old self right up to the last evening, even waiting outside for me to return home. There I would see her pacing the balcony and erupting into an explosion of barking as soon as I exited the car, just as on any normal evening. But, the following morning, I knew it was "the day". I can't explain how I knew it was "the day", I think only another pet owner, one who has had to make that terrible decision them self, can understand, but I drove, numbingly, to the vet, muttering over and over, "today is that day, today is that day...." And, so it was, the veterenarian was in complete agreement (in fact, after the decision was made she confessed I may have waited a bit too long), and within minutes, it was over. She passed very peacefully, in my arms, surrounded by a loving vet staff that had cared for her for many years.

Fortunately, I live in a very pet-friendly community, and as I said, Trixie was well known and well liked, and I have the luxury of having a boss who knew that Trixie was my "kid", so everyone has been very sympathetic and kind about Trixie's passing (one older resident even cried when she heard the news). Now, that's a real comfort because I don't know how I would cope being surrounded by people who think of pets as "things". I know how those people think because I was one of them. Before I had gotten my two dogs ("Alice" passed many years ago), my first utterance on hearing of the loss of someone elses pet would probably be, "oh, I'm, sorry to hear that...are you going to get another one?" I'm much smarter now; I know a pet is truly a companion, a friend and champion, a true family member and one who gives unconditional love and asks very little in return. As many fine people as I know, I can't think of one who has all those attributes, and I doubt I'll ever find such a person.

So, do I plan to get another dog? I doubt it. My work schedule is hectic, but Trixie grew up in, and was used to that environment and it would be unfair to not give a young puppy the undivided time and attention it truly needs. So I tell myself, sometimes choking back a tear, "I've had my 'dog days', I don't need to do that again", but if I'm honest the truth is, there could never be another Trixie, or as she is known by her AKC registration listing, "The Princess of Park Place".

Goodnight, sweet Princess.

MICHELLE OBAMA'S WEIGHTY ISSUE

I don't normally write about politics because if I'm honest, I know only enough about it to be dangerous. Lifestyle commentary is more to my liking, and fortunately, Michelle Obama has given me a topic on which to dip my foot into politics and have a jolly good rant at the same time.

The First Lady has launched a campaign against obesity in general, and childhood obesity in particular and, while its an admirable undertaking, I think it's doomed from the start. Like many unhealthy and potentially dangerous activities human beings engage in (drinking smoking, unprotected sex....) obesity is a lifestyle choice and telling an overweight person they're more likely to suffer heart disease as a result of their foul feeding is like telling me smoking causes cancer. Thanks Ma'am, we've already sorted that one out. The First Lady reckons childhood obesity is reaching epidemic proportions, a fact I don't dispute, but, what exactly is her plan? The Surgeon General's report lists the following very elementary points:

• Requiring students from pre-kindergarten to grade 12 to take physical education.

• Requiring child care providers to offer at least 60 minutes of physical activity per day.

• Requiring schools to develop comprehensive wellness plans that include policies to offer kids more nutritious lunches.

While I don't suffer from an obesity problem, I do take exception to the First Lady, who has a personal trainer, a dietitian, a nutritionist, a professional chef. and access to the healthiest foods available attempting to preach to the choir a lifestyle choice, be it good, bad or indifferent. What's more irritating to me is that Mrs Obama has, to my knowledge, failed to make any mention about how the economic downturn has led to many Americans being forced to give up healthier eating in exchange for less expensive options. If I only have $1.25 in my wallet, I can't afford a bag of "organic" carrots, but I can fill myself up pretty well on a box of unhealthy macaroni & cheese.

I'm sorry Mrs Obama, its a worthy and admirable course of action, but attempting to legislate personal behavior is a waste of your valuable time and has slim hopes of success. That pun is intended, by the way.