NEED AN ANSWER? ASK A FORUM.

I'm happy. Very happy. Over the past weekend, an on-going problem I've been having with the old HP Pavilion 5700 (that I refuse to part with, thank you very much) finally got resolved. It didn't get resolved by HP tech support who were, frankly, useless. It didn't get resolved by the IT support group used by the company I work for, and it didn't get resolved by following HP's on-line troubleshooting tools. It got resolved by two guys on an internet forum.

"evil_bob" and "Camaro Guy". gave me the answer to my problem within a half-hour of my asking the question on an online forum dedicated to solving PC-related problems. It turned out to be a CD-ROM driver issue that, even though I know nothing about "drivers" took no longer than ten minutes to fix myself, with the help of their step-by-step instructions. There was an additional five minutes spent while they reassured me that the driver would, indeed, re-install itself on start-up, but I won't include that in the repair time. After thanking the forum members in a style of English that must have made them instantly aware I was old enough to be their Mother, I pressed my luck and asked how to change a DVD player to "multi-region", meaning it can play DVD's manufactured in other countries. This time it was "teenychinagal" who responded with a link to her own amateur video tutorial on how precisely to resolve that issue. I spent five minutes watching the video, and three minutes to make a simple change to some hardware settings, and the job was done. Total time spent to resolve both issues? About two hours from diagnoses to "fix". Total cost? $0.00. Total respect from me? Absolute.

While I'm thrilled with the outcome it's also a bit of an embarrassment for me because I have a tendency to bang on about how the internet has depersonalized society. In fact (and I am not making this up) the article I started this week had to do with the role of the internet in effectively "killing" customer service, but it simply isn't true. The problem is me, because I've clearly been visiting the wrong sites. Where the combined wisdom of HP and several highly-trained professionals failed, people who I will never know, and who have absolutely nothing to gain but the fact they were able to help, succeeded.

Come to think of it though, maybe my first column idea was only half wrong; while the internet hasn't killed customer service it's brought to the fore that customer service, real customer service has been dying a slow death for some time. That would certainly explain the existence of on-line help forums in the first place. I would like to think that the people who helped me became so exasperated with the same "technical support" I received that they got together one day and said, "sod all, we can do better than this and we can use goofy screen names at the same time". They certainly did do better than traditional customer service because forums don't just give you an answer, you can get an explanation as well and knowing what causes things to go wrong is the best way to avoid and solve a problem in the future. I would never get a proper explanation from an IT professional, after all, why would they give that information away free of charge? And, I most definitely wouldn't get an explanation from HP tech support because, well, they probably don't have an explanation.

The lesson learned here is that, for a frustrating, unpleasant experience with an unsatisfactory outcome, try traditional customer service. For real knowledge and first-hand experience from people with no agenda, ask your question on a forum. I'm going to start looking for a Subaru forum next week. I'm having trouble with windshield wiper noises in the Outback, and I know there's a Subaru owner somewhere in cyberspace who can tell me best how to fix it.

SEARCHING FOR A JOB? GET TO WORK.

Now that the recent unpleasantness of partial-unemployment is behind me (having been resolved by acceptance of a rather tasty job offer), I've had time to take a deep breath, review the events connected with being unemployed and make an honest assessment of it all. The conclusion I've come to after hours of beer-filled contemplation is simple: everything about being unemployed is the pits. While this in itself may not be a revelation worthy of publication by The Huffington Post, it does give me an opportunity to offer some realistic observations and tips in the event any readers are or shortly will be among the ever increasing number of job-seekers .

Plan Ahead - If you suspect there may be trouble at your place of employment, it's probably because there is trouble. Don't assume everything is fine simply because your supervisor/co-workers/human resources department says so. Planning ahead is essential in order to take some of the stress off your job search. I'm speaking common sense here; pay down charge cards; avoid making any large purchases and plan where you can make cuts to your budget should you need to. At the very least you'll be prepared, and, if nothing else, you will have reduced your debt.

The Best Time To Look For A Job Is When You Don't Need One - Some wise soul told me this many years ago, and fortunately, I remembered it. I started registering myself on online employment sites and sending out resumes long before I was ever unemployed. It paid off as well; registering for employment sites is time-consuming. Re-writing and tweaking a dusty resume is time-consuming (I re-tooled mine three times before I was satisfied with what I was sending out), and generally taking your time in the beginning will make you more informed about the types of positions that are being advertised.

Avoid Agencies, If Possible - Now, this came as a total shock to me because, in the past, I've always been able to secure at least temporary employment from an agency. This go-round, however, I found I couldn't get so much as arrested, much less an interview, from an employment agency, despite having a vastly-improved resume. I'm not sure why that is, but I expect with a surplus of unemployed willing to work cheaply, the agencies were turning their attention to recent college grads. I continued to send my details into the agencies but got nary a nibble out of it all.

A First-Rate Cover-Letter is Essential - I don't know if this fact is being taught, but if not, you've heard it from me: your resume should be no more than one-page in length, and should be used to outline your basic experience and qualifications. Where you "sell" to a potential employer however, is the cover letter. I always made a point to ask people with whom I was interviewing how many applications they received, and it generally ranged from between 125-175. Now, think of it from a potential employers point of view; after reviewing the third or fourth application it must be a fairly mind-numbing experience. Use your cover letter to grab their attention; refer to your resume and state why you feel your past experience would be an asset to their current job opening and cite parallels between positions, if possible;it will demonstrate you've paid attention to their brief of the position. Your cover letter should also state your salary requirements; no need to get through to the interview stage if you and your potential employer won't be in agreement on this basic matter.

Be Prepared To Be Brutally Honest - In your cover letter and interview, don't be afraid to point out your weaknesses as well as your strengths. If the brief calls for "proficiency in XYZ computer software" and you've only had a passing acquaintance with it in the past, say so. Being honest and expressing a willingness to "bone up" on a particular subject will carry more weight with them be more comfortable for you, and is easier than trying to blag your way through, trust me.

Interviews Are Like Dates - and I never particularly cared for dating. But, what I've learned over the years from dating stood me in good stead for the interview process. Don't assume because you had a good telephone interview, the personal interview will go quite so well. Like dating, the person talking to you may have a completely different mental image of who is on the other end of the phone. Unfair? Yes. An undeniable fact? Also yes. It's important to be on your best behaviour in an interview, but also be yourself. Remember that the person you're speaking to you may be potentially seeing you five days every week for quite some time. Allow your natural self to peep through; it may be exactly what they're looking for. Most importantly though, don't assume that because your date...oops, interview went well, you'll hear from them again. I had several excellent interviews where I was specifically told I would be back for the second selection process, and I never heard from them again. It's sad, but, just like dating, there's plenty of competition out there. Move on.

The Bureau of Labor Statistics stated that there were a reported 15.0 million unemployed in the United States in May, 2010 so if you are currently (or soon to be) unemployed, take small comfort in the fact you're not alone. But, be aware that looking for work is, in itself, work. I hope my own experiences in the employment piranha-pool will save you some steps, provide some ideas, or both. Sermon over. Normal service will resume (no pun intended) next week.

CONFRONTATION, ENTERTAINMENT AT ITS BEST

Since the flu bug I picked up last week is still with me, I've had a lot of time to lay about the house feeling miserable and sorry for myself. As much fun as this can be at times it can also be pretty boring so in an effort to be productive I tried something new; I became addicted to BBC's The Apprentice.

I don't typically watch this 12-week reality series because of an unpredictable schedule but also because it's so unreal. If we're honest, is there anyone who believes that the candidates are selected for their potential as employees and not for the group dynamic and personal conflicts that the producers are hoping to promote for the sake of ratings? Of course we don't believe it. However real or unreal, the formula does work. Take me for example; thanks to an enforced confinement and the generosity of a person called "ebeleys" at a certain video-sharing website, in the past two days I've watched the complete first series and I'm halfway through series three. I'm hooked.

For sheer entertainment, you can't beat it. First, there are the candidates. In series one (as in most series probably), it was a fairly mixed bag of individuals including managers from all sectors; communications, direct sales, hotel, retail, etc. I believe some of them were really in it for the advancement opportunity and larger salary but on the other side there was an investment banker, a property developer, a financial analyst and an internet entrepreneur. Each one of these candidates waxed poetic about what successful businessmen they were, but how successful are you really if you would give up your lucrative business to work as an apprentice to Sir Alan Sugar for a paltry 100,000 quid a year? Can you say "launchpad to bigger things"? I can.

Nevertheless, the premise of the show is that each candidate demonstrate their intelligence and business acumen by going through a series of tasks arranged by Sir Alan to prove who is the best qualified. I have respect for the candidates because some of the tasks looked extremely difficult, but if we're honest, that's not why we watch. The real reason we watch is for the confrontation between the candidates, and Sir Alan does confrontation very well. All the participants live in the same house (confrontation). Initially they are paired off into "boy" versus "girl" teams (confrontation). After a few tasks and no small amount of backstabbing, Sir Alan shifts groups around (confrontation) and each losing team leader must select two team members to go with him/her to "the firing line" (confrontation). Let's face it, The Apprentice is a twelve-week train wreck, and we can't not watch.

Despite all the education and experience professed by the candidates, the smartest man by far is Sir Alan Sugar himself. He really is my type of boss. A self-made millionaire who left school at the age of sixteen, he has a brusque East End accent, he says "bloody awful" a lot, he calls people "nutters" (among other things), and most important to my viewing pleasure, he cuts to the quick any nonsense being talked by the candidates (more confrontation). I know bulls**t when I hear it, and I sit grinning on the edge of my chair waiting for Sir Alan to verbally dismember the candidates and unceremoniously hand their heads back to them (third-party confrontation).

Maybe that's why we enjoy The Apprentice, and shows like it, so much. We can root for the best, 'hiss' at the worst, enjoy a little confrontation, and in the comfort of our own homes, no one gets hurt.

READ ALL ABOUT IT! (WITHOUT BEING BORED).

If you have read more than one or two of my columns, you've already sorted out that I'm no student of serious journalism. Certainly I can string sentences together fairly well and I'm also quite proficient in the art of spell-check. I write in what's been described by people who owe me money as a "light hearted" and "enjoyably readable" style, but if I was challenged with writing a serious piece of journalistic work on any subject, you may have a long wait. I have no doubt I could deliver the goods, but the topic would probably be obsolete by the time you had the chance to read it.

This isn't a reflection on my ability but to me, "journalism" means "serious", and I leave that to those more talented than myself. Even Messers Meriam and Webster define journalism as "writing characterized by a direct presentation of facts or description of events without an attempt at interpretation", which means I am automatically disqualified.

Fortunately, there are plenty of others who take their journalism seriously, and I read quite a bit of their work. Living in the Nation's Capitol means having access to most hard copy newspapers (Washington Post, Baltimore Sun, Philadelphia Enquirer and New York Times are all available at the corner store), and of course, unlimited resources on the internet. I read, or try to read, one newspaper a day and two, if I can manage it. Typically, it's the Washington Post and (British newspapers), the Telegraph or Express; they all present factual articles in a simple, unbiased and straightforward manner. So simple and straightforward in fact, that at times it can be a bit of a bore. Here are some article titles from the 1 October edition of the Washington Post:

News
U.S., Allies, Begin Nuclear Talks With Iran

Health Care Reform: Panel Expects Vote Next Week
Courts To Decide If State Gun Laws Violate Rights
Number Of People Receiving HIV Drugs Rises
Al-Maliki Forms New Coalition Ahead Of Elections

Sports
Dodgers Fail To Win NL West
Griffey Homers, Morrow Pitches Seattle Past Oakland
Redskins Allow Lions To End 19-Game Losing Streak

Lifestyle
Spielberg, Lucas, Bring Rockwell To Museum
The Brain That Won Us The Cold War
Art Auction Price May Be Local Record
Gospel-Choir Competition Brings Pitch-Perfect Praise to Verizon Center
Taking A Shine to a Museum Photo Project
Home Front: Your Design Dilemmas Solved

No matter how informative and important these articles may be, the titles aren't likely to pique your interest after a hard day at the office. When your attention span and threshold of boredom are low you need a real attention-grabbing title to make you sit up and take notice, and for that you need go no further than my guilty pleasure, the British newspaper Daily Mirror. One look at their titles and you know you're in for a good read. In contrast to the Washington Post, here are some titles from the 1 October edition of the Mirror, and I am not making any of them up:


News:
Top 10 Most Bizarre Items For Sale On Ebay

Paris Jackson Blames Gig Chiefs For Father Michael's Death
Labour Launch Election Battle With Hell-Vision of Britain Under David Cameron
Strange Maps of the World
Arm Transplant Dad Tells of Amazing Operation
Safe Sex for the over-50's

Sport:
If Arsenal Wenger is the Daddy, Who's the Embarrassing Uncle?
Charm School Could Give Gosden a Hat-Trick in Cambridgeshire
Miracle-Man Massa Back on Track

Lifestyle:
Chocolate Heidi: Find Out Why Pregnant Heidi Klum Is Covered in Chocolate.
You Really, Really Don't Want To Know Whose Camel-toe This Is
What Do Kids Really Know About Sex?
Our Babies Will Have Two Mums and One Dad!
Diet Like it was 1959.
Why Do People in Relationships Cheat?

Alright, so it's not Pulitzer Prize-winning material, but the Mirror is still a legitimate newspaper with a circulation of over 1,324,000 daily, and while you may not be as enlightened after reading the Mirror, you're certainly more entertained. The Mirror has got it right with the titles as well. If given the choice of reading these two articles from 1 October, Art Auction Price May Be Local Record or Top 10 Most Bizarre Items For Sale On Ebay, honestly, which one will you read first?

So, Washington Post and similar newspapers, take a tip from the Mirror and de-bore your titles. Instead of Courts To Decide If State Gun Laws Violate Rights try Will Court Hitmen Take Pot-Shots at Gun Control?, or something equally silly. I'm sure you'll attract the attention of more readers.

Unlike me, your writers can do it. They're all serious journalists.

NORMAL SERVICE WILL RESUME....TRUST ME

This week I wrote a column that I decided was nothing short of brilliant. Unfortunately, I have flu and was running a high fever at the time of my epiphany, so my judgement may have been a bit off and the article may not be as good as I think. Nevertheless, while under the spell of illness I decided, because of the subject matter (newspapers), I should submit it to The Washington Post for inclusion in their Op-Ed section.

Unfortunately, one of the requirements of the Washington Post is that anything they consider for publication cannot already be published in any other medium, including a personal blog, which means I can't post it here tomorrow as scheduled.

But don't despair, readers. I'm sure the professionals at the Washington Post will do the right thing and kick it back to me with the usual "Thanks, but no thanks" at which time I can publish it here. If they have well and truly lost their minds and decide my bit of nonsense is exactly what the Washington Post is looking for, after picking myself up off the floor I will include a link to it at that time.

At any rate, normal service at Notes From The Light Side will resume next week.