READ ALL ABOUT IT! (WITHOUT BEING BORED).

If you have read more than one or two of my columns, you've already sorted out that I'm no student of serious journalism. Certainly I can string sentences together fairly well and I'm also quite proficient in the art of spell-check. I write in what's been described by people who owe me money as a "light hearted" and "enjoyably readable" style, but if I was challenged with writing a serious piece of journalistic work on any subject, you may have a long wait. I have no doubt I could deliver the goods, but the topic would probably be obsolete by the time you had the chance to read it.

This isn't a reflection on my ability but to me, "journalism" means "serious", and I leave that to those more talented than myself. Even Messers Meriam and Webster define journalism as "writing characterized by a direct presentation of facts or description of events without an attempt at interpretation", which means I am automatically disqualified.

Fortunately, there are plenty of others who take their journalism seriously, and I read quite a bit of their work. Living in the Nation's Capitol means having access to most hard copy newspapers (Washington Post, Baltimore Sun, Philadelphia Enquirer and New York Times are all available at the corner store), and of course, unlimited resources on the internet. I read, or try to read, one newspaper a day and two, if I can manage it. Typically, it's the Washington Post and (British newspapers), the Telegraph or Express; they all present factual articles in a simple, unbiased and straightforward manner. So simple and straightforward in fact, that at times it can be a bit of a bore. Here are some article titles from the 1 October edition of the Washington Post:

News
U.S., Allies, Begin Nuclear Talks With Iran

Health Care Reform: Panel Expects Vote Next Week
Courts To Decide If State Gun Laws Violate Rights
Number Of People Receiving HIV Drugs Rises
Al-Maliki Forms New Coalition Ahead Of Elections

Sports
Dodgers Fail To Win NL West
Griffey Homers, Morrow Pitches Seattle Past Oakland
Redskins Allow Lions To End 19-Game Losing Streak

Lifestyle
Spielberg, Lucas, Bring Rockwell To Museum
The Brain That Won Us The Cold War
Art Auction Price May Be Local Record
Gospel-Choir Competition Brings Pitch-Perfect Praise to Verizon Center
Taking A Shine to a Museum Photo Project
Home Front: Your Design Dilemmas Solved

No matter how informative and important these articles may be, the titles aren't likely to pique your interest after a hard day at the office. When your attention span and threshold of boredom are low you need a real attention-grabbing title to make you sit up and take notice, and for that you need go no further than my guilty pleasure, the British newspaper Daily Mirror. One look at their titles and you know you're in for a good read. In contrast to the Washington Post, here are some titles from the 1 October edition of the Mirror, and I am not making any of them up:


News:
Top 10 Most Bizarre Items For Sale On Ebay

Paris Jackson Blames Gig Chiefs For Father Michael's Death
Labour Launch Election Battle With Hell-Vision of Britain Under David Cameron
Strange Maps of the World
Arm Transplant Dad Tells of Amazing Operation
Safe Sex for the over-50's

Sport:
If Arsenal Wenger is the Daddy, Who's the Embarrassing Uncle?
Charm School Could Give Gosden a Hat-Trick in Cambridgeshire
Miracle-Man Massa Back on Track

Lifestyle:
Chocolate Heidi: Find Out Why Pregnant Heidi Klum Is Covered in Chocolate.
You Really, Really Don't Want To Know Whose Camel-toe This Is
What Do Kids Really Know About Sex?
Our Babies Will Have Two Mums and One Dad!
Diet Like it was 1959.
Why Do People in Relationships Cheat?

Alright, so it's not Pulitzer Prize-winning material, but the Mirror is still a legitimate newspaper with a circulation of over 1,324,000 daily, and while you may not be as enlightened after reading the Mirror, you're certainly more entertained. The Mirror has got it right with the titles as well. If given the choice of reading these two articles from 1 October, Art Auction Price May Be Local Record or Top 10 Most Bizarre Items For Sale On Ebay, honestly, which one will you read first?

So, Washington Post and similar newspapers, take a tip from the Mirror and de-bore your titles. Instead of Courts To Decide If State Gun Laws Violate Rights try Will Court Hitmen Take Pot-Shots at Gun Control?, or something equally silly. I'm sure you'll attract the attention of more readers.

Unlike me, your writers can do it. They're all serious journalists.