DAYTIME TELEVISION MAY HAVE SAVED MY CAREER

Today is what my friend Cyndi used to call a "mental health day" but I prefer to be realistic and call it a "I-can't-take-it-one-more-bloody-day" day.

Yes, I feigned illness and called out sick from work. My plans were to take advantage of the unscheduled down time and run some errands that include taking the dog to the vet, grocery shopping, working on my column and general housekeeping. Unfortunately, other than going to the vet and beginning to work on this column, nothing else is getting done because I have become addicted to the misery that is daytime television viewing.

I say misery not because of the unrealistic tales of woe in "daytime drama" (aka "soaps"), but the countless court shows, shock shows and reality television designed to entertain the unemployed, students on summer break and retirees. This must be the audience this programming is geared towards, judging by the advertising. First, the lawyers who will get you money for your auto accident, your disability, your Social Security claims, and for that medical malpractice suit they are certain you will file as soon as they tell you that you will win millions. Second, the car-title loan people who, with a pleasant jingle, tell you to take their money and, hey, you can even keep your car (for now). The least offensive ads are for the technical/trade schools which encourage said audience to get off their arses and advance themselves through further education; a noble message but I've counted at least eight in one thirty-minute program, and I'm beginning to doubt even my own career choice.

So, instead of using my time productively, so far I've watched several divorce cases, people suing over cell phone bills, damaged property, unpaid rent and utilities, unpaid loans, unpaid bail, vicious dogs, vicious neighbors, and shows about paternity tests, out-of-control teens, and cheating partners. Heck, even my old standy BBC America is in on it, albeit to a lesser extent. We have Gordon Ramsay trying to save a failing restaurant, Ruth Watson trying to save a failing hotel, Gillian McKeith yelling at fat people, and The Apprentice.

What I've learned on my illicit day off is that daytime television is all about pain, misery, human anguish, suffering, and the pursuit or lack of money. And I'm addicted.

I'm rather looking forward to going back to work tomorrow.