IN PRAISE OF PUBLIC TRANSPORT

Long, long ago, in a state far, far away (California, that is), I fell in love with public transport. I fell so much in love in fact, that the picture accompanying this column is not from the current line of Los Angeles-based "MTA" buses, but is the picture of a circa 1980's "RTD" (Los Angeles Rapid Transport District) bus. I was ideally suited to ride the RTD when I lived in Los Angeles. Not only at 50 cents per ride was it affordable, but from my home one-half block north of Hollywood Boulevard, I could catch a bus going practically anywhere there was to go in Los Angeles without worry of fluctuating gas prices, exorbitant insurance rates, or the worry that I may come home one evening to find an automobile stripped, and sitting atop cinder blocks.

The ride from home to work (Beverly Hills) consisted of one bus trip (Downtown Los Angeles-Santa Monica on the Number 1 route); if I stayed too long at happy hour at the Rangoon Racquet Club, I could always take a Number 4 and transfer to a 429 at the intersection of Sunset and La Brea without missing a beat. Weekend activities were equally simple; Santa Anita racetrack, Santa Monica Beach, and the Beverly Center shopping mall were all easily reachable via courtesy of the RTD, and my monthly bus pass with the cartoon "smiley bus" imprinted on the card.

As much as I was in love with public transport however, these feelings quickly turned to hate when I moved back to Washington DC where, as I've said in this column before, the shortest distance between Point A and Point B is most definitely, a cube. In addition to the established "Metro" service, the largest carrier in the Washington metropolitan region, there was also an alarming assortment of local carriers; OmniRide, MARC, DASH, ATC; the acronyms spell out half the alphabet. I suppose this arrangement was meant to make life easier for commuters in the DC environs, but it only served to confuse me to the point of vowing never to take public transport again.

But now, I'm ready to say I'm wrong. If I'm honest, I really don't have much choice when it comes to my commuting change-of-heart; the new employment position I accepted is located in an area of Washington DC that, while accessible by car, simply isn't worth the money for parking, gas, and the man-hours lost sitting in the slug-paced parking lot known as Interstate 395. So with cheerful resignation this week, for the first time since my days in Los Angeles, I've taken up being a full-time commuter.

As public transport goes, my commute is fairly easy; a short walk to the bus stop (which is so close to my house I can see it from my sofa as I write); about ten further stops through a quiet, leafy suburban area of town then directly onto the freeway HOV lane for a short trip to the huge underground station at the Pentagon. If I time it correctly, there's no more than a five minute wait for the first "Blue Line" train, then only two subsequent stops before I reach my final destination, "Foggy Bottom". If I'm honest, the most difficult part of this commute is walking the .40m final leg of the journey to and from the office, but I console myself knowing that the slowly diminishing pain in my thighs means I'm getting in shape, and I've even calculated how much extra junk food I can eat with the calories I burn every day (riding public transport means you have time on your hands to work these things out in your head). Cost? $5.20 round trip which is a bit pricier than what I currently pay in gas, but the alternative to public transport isn't very attractive.

Should my gear-head's desire to drive to work win out, I'll be trapped into a monthly parking fee of between $275-$325 per month (assuming I can get a space), then there's fuel for my gas-guzzling Subaru which is currently $3.09 per gallon and rising. And the drive-time? Only a Washingtonian would believe that a one-way trip of less than seven miles means at least thirty minutes at a complete stand-still while the bus whizzes past in the HOV lane.

Let's face facts, these days it just makes more sense to take public transport. On the whole, it's less expensive than driving and time-wise more reliable on a daily basis than driving. And the best reason to take public transport these days? Wherever public transport is going most frequently is more likely where the jobs are. It may not be fun, but its simple economics.

Now, get on the bus.

WASHINGTON DC, LAND OF THE LOST

A few months back I mentioned in a column that I think SatNav is a useless toy in a car, but I'm beginning to doubt that now. If anyone needs SatNav, it's anyone living in Washington DC and its environs.

For a start, there's the traffic. Washington DC is, according to which survey you read, either the fourth or fifth most congested city in the United States, although anyone sitting in DC traffic will argue that it's undoubtedly the first. Interstate 495, also known as the Capitol Beltway, the major ring road feeding traffic in and out of the city is a daily commuting nightmare. Even in the best weather conditions and no accident delays, the sheer volume of cars attempting to navigate the roads ensures a lengthly stress-filled journey . That's a good argument for SatNav right there as it's wise to have a minimum three alternate traffic avoidance routes to get to your destination.

But the real joy, and where SatNav is almost a necessity, is when you finally arrive in Washington DC proper, as proved once again the other evening when I got lost on a seemingly easy journey. I truly believe the city layout was designed under the geometric principle that the shortest distance between Point A and Point B is a cube.

Now, I have to say I have a very good sense of direction. In the years I lived in Los Angeles, London and Philadelphia, I never got lost. Never. I did once get lost in Cincinnati, but probably because I was hoping to permanently find a way out. However, in Washington, unless I know the exact route I need to take, I can almost guarantee I'll guess wrong and end up on a dead end street, or the Anacostia Freeway, which in my opinion is the same thing.

At this point I was going to give you my own description of Washington's street layout but after the fifth draft I was totally befuddled and longing for Cincinnati. So I'm borrowing the following abridged, but very accurate description from Wikipedia. Brace yourselves readers, this is the simplest description I could find:

"At the center of the design is the U.S. Capitol, from which four quadrants radiate along the four compass directions, Northwest, Southwest, Northeast and Southeast. The four quadrants are separated by North Capitol Street, South Capitol Street and East Capitol Street, with a line travelling due west serving as the fourth demarcation line. Streets that are oriented north/south are designated by numbers and count upwards from east to west in the
Northwest and Southwest quadrants of the city, starting at the Capitol; these streets repeat in the Northast and Southeast quadrants, counting upwards from west to east going away from the Capitol."

Confused yet? Wait. It gets better.

"Streets that are oriented east/west use a single letter of the alphabet, thus, east-to-west
streets "count" upwards from south to north in NW and NE and likewise repeat in the opposite direction from SW to SE. Street numbers count upwards travelling outward from the dividing lines of the quadrants. "A" Street, as named, is only found in NE and SE. in NW and SW,
the roads that would have been known as "A" Street are known as Madison Drive NW, and Jefferson Drive SW."

And, for sheer folly it seems, the city planners did this:

"There is no "J" Street in any quadrant. North of the Mall, the road that once was "B" Street NE and NW is now named Constitution Avenue; south of the mall the corresponding street is named Independence Avenue. There is also no "X", "Y" or "Z" Streets. "I" Street, "Q" Street and "U" Streets are alternately called "Eye", "Que" and "You" Streets to avoid confusion with other lettered streets."

After reading that I imagine some are thinking, "How can she be confused by that? There's nothing to it.". To which I reply, come to Washington DC without SatNav or a navigator (read: wife or girlfriend), anytime between 0700 and 2000 hours, or whenever there is inclement weather, a parade, a demonstration, a free concert on the Capitol lawn or a marathon. I'll wave to you as you drive by the third time trying to sort out where you need to go and how best to get there.

As an interesting sidenote, while looking over the internet I've found there are some very committed citizens who believe the city's quirky configuration is the result of architect and Freemason Pierre Charles L'Enfant's efforts to hide certain occultic and Luciferic symbols within the layout of the city. Whether this is true or not is the subject for a possibly heated Masonic debate, but anyone trying to navigate Washington DC without knowing precisely where they are going will probably agree that the confusing streets may well be the work of the Devil.