D.I. WHY?

Since the commencement of my partial unemployment in March of this year, I've been spending much quality time in the comfort of my cozy home. Unfortunately, quality time when you're on slim-to-none income restricts your activities to anything that doesn't cost money, so I usually found myself watching mind-numbing daytime television until five or six o'clock in the evening when, in my mind at least, it's "ok" not to be productive.

After a very short time though, my normal daytime fare (read: anything I would watch as a guilty pleasure on a random day off from work) became too obnoxious, even for me. I soon tired of Maury's paternity tests, Jerry's in-breeding cousins and Judge Mathis' women-suing-ex's-for-unpaid-cell-phone-bills, and worst of all, the incessant airing of commercials reminding us all to get off the couch and look for work was just too darned depressing and, frankly, guilt-inducing. So, I decided in a quest for my personal enlightenment to turn my attention to shows related to home improvement, and I think I'm now hooked on those for the time being.

It's just as well, because with the added time on my hands, I've had a chance to assess the state of my own home and I can say with complete candor that it simply, a mess. I don't mean "mess" in being untidy; I watch enough episodes of How Clean Your House to know better; I'm referring to the general state of the place, repair-wise. For the most part, the house is in fairly good shape. It could well benefit from new kitchen appliances and bathroom fixtures, but those have simply worn out over time but, are even now, at least functional. The other household repairs, the glaringly visible ones, are many in number and I'm embarrassed to say, they are all a result of my previous feeble attempts at D.I.Y.

You see, until I bought my house I had never lived in any place that wasn't rented, or belonged to someone else; places where you just rang up an anonymous face for repairs ("rental") or just had had your husband take care of it ("someone else"). When I bought my home though,I think I experienced a sort-of D.I.Y. epiphany, an empowering freedom telling me "this is yours; you can do ANYTHING you like to it (as long as it conforms to Code)!" And, so it was, in the early days of home-ownership, I was armed with a second-rate tool kit, a Home Depot charge card and much conviction.

Unfortunately, my limited knowledge, limited talent and declining interest in D.I.Y. have not stood me in good stead over the years, and evidence of my feeble efforts about the house are all too evident. I should have known that peel-and-stick floor tiles were not going to stand the heat and moisture of a kitchen or bathroom; at least not the ones I bought for ten dollars a box. The repairs I made to some kitchen cabinet doors was successful; they do close now, but unfortunately, none of them close level and flat. My miserable failure at caulking the bathroom is still evident these many years on, and the decorative door handles, while installed properly, were probably not designed to take the frequent use I give them, and several have cracked. I would have expected more for those $7.98 items. And, changing the color of my floor-to-ceiling vertical blinds with a coat of paint seemed like a good idea at the time...

It's easy to overlook these small, inconsequential items when you're gainfully employed and are simply grateful to spend quiet time in front of the TV and then fall into bed, but my unfortunate down-time means I've had to face them every day in the bright glow of sunlight. Up until now that really hasn't been a problem because either a) I was anticipating unemployment so I didn't want to lay out the dosh, or b) I didn't really care. But now, I do care; I realize that most of the visible household cock-ups are a direct result of my pathetic D.I.Y. efforts, and it's as embarrassing to look at as another episode of Jerry and his in-breeding cousins. So, I've decided to spend part of my remaining down-time to do a thorough assessment and make a complete list of anything I think needs to be repaired or replaced and once the coin starts flowing into the bank from my new job, I'm going to do the right thing by my home: toss out the tool box and call a professional.