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Earlier in the week, my slightly dim-witted co-worker Jean interrupted me in the process of sending out some time-sensitive bid invitations to pass on the following bit of information. Apparently her friend had a dream that she (Jean) was three months pregnant, and from the look on her face as she was telling me, she was positively beaming at the thought of pregnancy (as if there was some spiritual connection between her friend's nocturnal rambling and an actual conception). Of course I had to pour some cold water on the fantasy and speak my mind; "Dream? Sounds like a nightmare to me." The poor woman looked positively dejected.
I don't know why she was surprised though, because it's no secret that I have no children and that baby showers, daily pregnancy updates and ultrasound pictures of fetuses does nothing for me short of putting me into a mild state of semi-coma. Before I get angry emails from the Moms, let me say that I don't dislike children, only that I have never wanted any of my own. In fact, anyone who knows me well will tell you that my maternal instincts + nurturing skills + child tolerance threshold = absolutely zilch.
There must not be many members of what I call the "None Is Fun Club" about these days, because I often find myself justifying my decision to remain childless as if it's some sort of character defect. It amazes me that in this day of enlightened womanhood I can hear a remark like "you're not a complete woman until you've had a child." Really? Who said that, someone trying to sell baby products? Private school tuition? Accident insurance? My answer to any type of "complete woman" remark is replying that no one is 'complete' until they're six feet under, which either brings a chuckle, or leaves them thinking I'm something that rhymes with "a witch". I'm often asked questions such as "don't you get lonely"? and I answer that I have plenty of friends for companionship and I also have a dog, which, unlike a child, doesn't talk back or ask me for money, clothes, a cell phone or a car. She's also less expensive to feed. One of the strangest comments by far was from a gentleman who suggested that being childless meant I wasn't leaving any legacy wherein I pointed out that, being childless, I will have no one to leave a legacy to. I then suggested he call a cab instead of driving while intoxicated.
In fact, the reason for my decision not to have children is very simple, but there are two very different versions; the version that looks good on paper and then the honest one. The version that looks good on paper is that I sacrificed Motherhood in pursuit of my career, personal aspirations and goals (for the most part, hogwash), and that I didn't feel I could make the long-term commitment and the sacrifices required to be a good parent (for the most part, the truth). The honest version is that, in order to be a good parent, you have to grow up yourself, and that's something that, even at my age, I'm still not prepared to do. There are enough "children having children" about; there's no need to add me to to the total number.
There's nothing wrong with "childless-by-choice". Parenthood isn't, and shouldn't be for everyone, and it's the wise person who can step back, look deep and face the truth. So, if you are one of those people who are thinking of going the childless route don't be dissuaded by people for whom parenting works; just say what I've been saying for years, "I'm a proud member of the 'None Is Fun Club' ". If truth be told, I'm sure there are more than a few parents who secretly wish they were holding their own Membership Card.
