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Every year, particularly during the holiday season, several acquaintances seem to feel the need to "fix me up" with someone. I can almost hear the inevitable tongue-clicking from well-meaning people who assume that, because I've been partner-less for some years now, I'm lonely. Anyone who's widowed knows precisely what I'm talking about; the sad gaze from people who hear you've lost a spouse who assume you're in a perpetual state of grief and therefore require a replacement mate as soon as possible. As annoying as their presumption can be, I really can't fault them; I'm sure their well-intentioned reaction is based on how they would react themselves in my situation, but they obviously don't know me well. If they did know me well, they'd know that I have an active social life, with plenty of friends for company.One of my favorite friends is a man who I will call Richard, which is a good idea because that happens to be his name. Richard is great fun to be around, intelligent, witty, thoughtful and an all-around gentlemen. He is also tall, lithe, non-gay and extremely handsome, which is a positive bonus for my ego, and means I don't have to wear flats whenever we're out together. Let's face it, we're a stunning pair, Richard and I. It's a convenient arrangement as well; we're not a couple but we go to social functions together from time-to-time. We interact well with each others friends, enjoy many of the same activities and at the end of an evening, we're off to our respective homes in good spirits with a friendly peck on the cheek serving as a goodnight kiss.
Where the arrangement gets awkward however, is that sooner or later the question of our relationship status pops up somewhere in conversation and it's a tricky question to answer. As we've found from experience, there seem to be a lot of folk out there who don't believe that men and women can simply be friends. At least, we assume that's what it must be, because our standard answer to the relationship question, "we're not a couple", usually produces one of three looks; awkward glances from real couples, looks of confusion from men (as in, "are you gay?) and from the ladies, hope-filled smiles at Richard, and what they're actually thinking, I can probably guess.
In truth, it's not difficult to be close friends with a member of the opposite sex but the key component is that you cannot enter into such a friendship with the expectation of something more, and Richard and I don't have those expectations. Surely, if he was looking for romance, he could find it practically...well, anywhere, based on the amount of female attention he gets, and I could have my share of admirers as well provided I ever saw fit get up off the sofa. But for us at least, at this time in our lives, its much nicer to have the friendship of someone of the opposite sex without any of the pressure but with (almost) all of the benefits, namely companionship, caring, someone to do emergency repairs about the house (him), and someone to cook (me). Richard's simple explanation for me is "she's just like a 'mate', except better looking", and I simply say "he's my friend", and that's a basic enough explanation for anyone to understand. Can a personal relationship like this stand the test of time? If we're honest it will, of necessity change if or when either of us finds true love (whatever that mean) but for now, it's a perfectly satisfactory arrangement that I encourage anyone to try.
Now, I'm sure some readers, particularly the women-folk are asking, "wouldn't you like to be involved with this man?", and my answer is that I already am, but I'm practically certain to become more involved would probably lead to the end of a beautiful friendship.
In truth, it's not difficult to be close friends with a member of the opposite sex but the key component is that you cannot enter into such a friendship with the expectation of something more, and Richard and I don't have those expectations. Surely, if he was looking for romance, he could find it practically...well, anywhere, based on the amount of female attention he gets, and I could have my share of admirers as well provided I ever saw fit get up off the sofa. But for us at least, at this time in our lives, its much nicer to have the friendship of someone of the opposite sex without any of the pressure but with (almost) all of the benefits, namely companionship, caring, someone to do emergency repairs about the house (him), and someone to cook (me). Richard's simple explanation for me is "she's just like a 'mate', except better looking", and I simply say "he's my friend", and that's a basic enough explanation for anyone to understand. Can a personal relationship like this stand the test of time? If we're honest it will, of necessity change if or when either of us finds true love (whatever that mean) but for now, it's a perfectly satisfactory arrangement that I encourage anyone to try.
Now, I'm sure some readers, particularly the women-folk are asking, "wouldn't you like to be involved with this man?", and my answer is that I already am, but I'm practically certain to become more involved would probably lead to the end of a beautiful friendship.
