MEMO TO CO-WORKERS: GO AWAY MORE OFTEN, PLEASE

This past week was one of the most relaxing times in the office I've had in months. My workload was actually a bit heavier than normal but overall, it was a calm, orderly, productive and relatively stress-free 40 hours. The reason? Simple. Half the office staff was on vacation, so it was possible to get things done.

Now, it has to be said that I like my co-workers, but the truth is that I spend more of my waking moments with them than with anyone else in my life, so it's not surprising that they've gotten on my nerves. In fairness to them I suppose they can say the same about me, but I'd rather not admit it.

What didn't I miss about my co-workers this past week? Well, I'm going to make a short list, and before I'm accused of being petty, I'd like to think of this piece as an exercise to help me cope and deal effectively with my co-workers in an efficient and business-like manner. There. That's my story. I'm sticking to it.

• The Kid: This man still needs Mother. He doesn't know how to put staples in the stapler, always leaves 1/16 mm of coffee in the pot, leaves faxes and mail laying about without regard to the receipients, won't answer his own phone, and lets the copier run out of paper without re-filling it. Niggling little things but annoying nonetheless, and if you're on a deadline and number fifteen in the print-queue because the paper tray is empty it's maddening.

• The Perfume/Men's Cologne Counter: You can smell these people coming before they open the door, and they're with you long after they leave. While not necessarily time-wasters, these are the irritating people who will stop to ask when I plan to give up smoking. In a Perfect World my answer would be, "when you stop wearing fake Obsession/Paco Rabanne".
  

• The Mom: I really like this woman but do I really want to hear about her children's grades, awards and athletic achievements? An occasional update is fine, but an in-depth report running about an hour long several times a week is too much. There's a reason I didn't have children, and all those activities is one of them.

• The Partner: not a nickname; he really is a partner in the business, and he's keen to call me "his secretary" to anyone he wants to impress (I'm not his secretary). He constantly disrupts my day by having me do work for his other business and he's also one of the classic loud-talkers on the planet. I know more than I ever cared to know about him, his wife, his other business ventures, how much money he has, what he owns, what he wants and who he wants to sleep with. Is there any way to turn the volume down on someone like this? Not if he's one of the two signatures on your paycheck.
  

There are more, but anyone who has spent any time in an office environment knows the types I've described, and readers here probably have some classic stories of their own. If you do, please let me know by adding your co-worker story in the "comment" section. Alternately, if you're not a "comment-er", you can email your co-worker tale to me at lightsidenotes@gmail.com.

So much for the stress-free week; time to enjoy the rest of the weekend because guess what? My co-workers will ALL be back on Monday.