DAYTIME TELEVISION MAY HAVE SAVED MY CAREER

Today is what my friend Cyndi used to call a "mental health day" but I prefer to be realistic and call it a "I-can't-take-it-one-more-bloody-day" day.

Yes, I feigned illness and called out sick from work. My plans were to take advantage of the unscheduled down time and run some errands that include taking the dog to the vet, grocery shopping, working on my column and general housekeeping. Unfortunately, other than going to the vet and beginning to work on this column, nothing else is getting done because I have become addicted to the misery that is daytime television viewing.

I say misery not because of the unrealistic tales of woe in "daytime drama" (aka "soaps"), but the countless court shows, shock shows and reality television designed to entertain the unemployed, students on summer break and retirees. This must be the audience this programming is geared towards, judging by the advertising. First, the lawyers who will get you money for your auto accident, your disability, your Social Security claims, and for that medical malpractice suit they are certain you will file as soon as they tell you that you will win millions. Second, the car-title loan people who, with a pleasant jingle, tell you to take their money and, hey, you can even keep your car (for now). The least offensive ads are for the technical/trade schools which encourage said audience to get off their arses and advance themselves through further education; a noble message but I've counted at least eight in one thirty-minute program, and I'm beginning to doubt even my own career choice.

So, instead of using my time productively, so far I've watched several divorce cases, people suing over cell phone bills, damaged property, unpaid rent and utilities, unpaid loans, unpaid bail, vicious dogs, vicious neighbors, and shows about paternity tests, out-of-control teens, and cheating partners. Heck, even my old standy BBC America is in on it, albeit to a lesser extent. We have Gordon Ramsay trying to save a failing restaurant, Ruth Watson trying to save a failing hotel, Gillian McKeith yelling at fat people, and The Apprentice.

What I've learned on my illicit day off is that daytime television is all about pain, misery, human anguish, suffering, and the pursuit or lack of money. And I'm addicted.

I'm rather looking forward to going back to work tomorrow.

IF CHIVALRY IS DEAD LADIES, I THINK WE HELPED KILL IT

Last night I indulged myself in a guilty pleasure and watched Goodbye Mr Chips; not the sixties musical version with that O'Toole actor I used to think was a hottie, but the 1939 MGM version with suave Robert Donat playing kindly public school master Charles Chipping. If you havent seen it, please do. This sentimental, simply-told story is beautifully acted, very entertaining, and doesn't have one car chase or any computer-generated imagery. In short, it has much of what Hollywood lacks today, but that's the subject of another column.


One of the pivotal scenes is where "Chips" meets his future wife on the side of a mountain, and in the course of their first coversation tells her that she must think him very old-fashioned for thinking ladies shouldn't ride bicycles, and that fifteen MPH is faster than human beings were meant to travel. She replies "I like men to be old-fashioned".

Well done, Greer Garson. So do I.

That may sound a bit strange coming from a woman who grew up in the "women's-lib" generation, but it's absolutely true. Given the choice between a GQ-looking he-man versus a gentleman who will open the door for you, the door-opener gets my vote every time. I know it to be true because my late partner bowled me over not only because he had a great personality and good looks, but he used words like "courting" instead of dating, and ordered for me in restaurants.

I think the Womens Liberation era was a confusing time for both sexes and while I'm glad of it's positives, for instance, I no longer see "Help Wanted - Female" in the classifieds, I wonder what we gave up along the way. In gaining our independence it appears we sacrificed some of the common courtesies that existed between the sexes, those simple things like having a gentleman stand when you arrive in a room or light a cigarette; based on what I've seen from younger women the one "old-fashioned" idea that hasn't been discarded is that men should pay for everything we want. I can't blame men for being confused about their role. Let's face it ladies, men can be easily confused......you can't shout "girl-power" through one side of your face and "treat me like a lady" through the other. That's as bad as watching Britney Spears fighting for child custody five minutes after you've seen her latest bikini ad for Candies. The poor guy will wonder if he's breathing properly by the time we've sorted him out and at the end of the day It Just Doesn't Work.

Before I get beat up too badly, I should say that my views come from the perspective of age and, hopefully some wisdom. Trust me, a man who is secure in his masculinity will know you're a strong woman so there's no need to shout about it. Likewise, a woman secure in her femininity will appreciate the respect, admiration and courtesy shown by an "old-fashioned" man and not mistake it for condescension. I know I do.

Damn you, Robert Donat, I'm going to get a lot of bad mail over this one.

THE HIGH COST OF MIDDLE AGE

Unlike many of my contemporaries, when I was young and eager to make my way in the world, "middle age" wasn't a particularly terrifying prospect to me. I associated middle age with a calm and steady period in life; a time to relax and enjoy the fruits of years of hard work and economic uncertainty. To a certain extent, at least in my case, the calm and steady part is true. I have a lovely home of which the bank only owns 50%, I have two steady jobs; one I like and that other one that pays the mortgage, I don't feel any pressing need to redecorate, and I have all the kitchen utensils I could ever want in case I ever feel the need to cook something.

What I hadn't counted on in middle age was the inevitable decay of the body, and the high cost of it's maintenance. When I was young, I had excellent health care benefits, but I never used them. I never had to. I went to the dentist religiously every six months, but that was it. I didn' t go for regular check-ups, and neither did anyone I knew. If I got a cold or flu, I went to the pharmacy, got a bottle of That Awful Green Stuff and that was that.

But now it's quite a different story, and I would dearly love to have that excellent health care coverage back, because this week my doctor has placed me on two more "maintenance" medications (read: "take these once a day for the rest of your life"), bringing the total so far up to five. Now the prescription coverage I have in my current employer-sponsored plan is only adequate, and I'm beginning to fork out a hefty amount of my middle aged money on medications Presuming I'm walking the Earth for another twenty years or so, could I be up to ten medications a day, and if so, how will I pay for it? In addition, my doctor will not refill any of my prescriptions until he sees me for a follow-up which includes a battery of blood work and a mandatory EKG, and my medical coverage doesn't pay for his visit at all.

This isn't a uniquely American problem. I'm always banging on to anyone who will listen that the NHS in the United Kingdom is a much better system of health care, but a quick check on their site disproves me; a three month pre-payment certificate for a prescription is almost 29 pounds (appx $47), so my coverage has the NHS beaten this time.

So, middle age, while not all bad, isn't exactly the calm and steady time in life I envisioned. It's an ever increasing race to see which will run out first: my money, my insurance coverage my medications, or me, and if any of the first three run out, so will I.

What a depressing prospect. I'd ring my doctor for a prescription for some Valium, but I don't think I can afford it.

WHAT'S WRONG WITH JUST DRIVING?

The last time I bought a new car was in 1993 and it was the most basic of vehicles; a Ford Festiva. It was inexpensive, relatively comfortable on all but the longest of journeys, and reliable and easy to maintain; there wasn't much in it to break down. I subsequently inherited a 1998 Subaru Legacy Outback Limited. Not a car I would have bought myself, but very safe, very solid, and I can take it off-road if I ever wake up one morning and decide to lose my mind.



Despite the Subaru being in still very good condition, I've been thinking lately of buying a new car (the wisdom of making such a large purchase in today's economic crisis is the subject for another column....), so I've had a flip through some motoring magazines to do a little research.

Boy, was I surprised.

The last time I bought a car the options were fairly basic. Automatic vs. manual transmission, power steering, brakes, 2-door or 4-door, and of course the inevitable cassette or 8-track conundrum. Now, the list of optional extras available on some cars reads like an inventory list at Best Buy. The lists included pop-up touch screens with real-time traffic reports, iPod/MP3/Bluetooth connectivity, cameras in the rear bumper to help with navigation, telephone pre-wiring and aerial, overhead flip-down tv screens, rear-view mirrors with built-in LCD displays, andonandonandon.

Now, these are all nice toys to play with but the question is: what do they have to do with driving? Do I really need to spend money for a sat nav when I can read a map or print out a MapQuest route planner? The flip-down tv screen; honestly, does the average family spend so much time in the car that a TV and DVD player is essential to maintain domestic harmony? Rear bumper cameras and rear view mirror LCD displays could be eliminated by just, oh, I don't know....looking behind you? The iPod/MP3/Bluetooth ports; I suppose it may be handy if you're a passenger trying to drown out the nonsense being talked by the driver but other than that, what's its functionality? I can see a use for the mobile phone pre-wiring and aerial, but people who talk on the phone while driving annoy me, so it gets a mention here.

I suppose I'm a bit old-fashioned, but I enjoy driving for the pleasure of it. If I want to work, I go into the office or break out the laptop at home. If I want to watch a movie I sit on the sofa and watch. If I want to de-stress in the car I turn on the stereo or the CD player that's already in the car I have without any optional gizmos that require hooking up more doo-dads, and if I need to see what's behind me, I look.

So, does more toy make for a better drive? I don't think so. Discuss amongst yourselves but pull over to the side of the road first, please.

WELCOME TO NOTES FROM THE LIGHT SIDE

Hello and welcome.

There is absolutely no purpose to this blog other than to simply entertain you through my slightly cynical but humorous look at the people, places and events that make life interesting and/or irritating.

Subjects will include love, sex, death, work, finance, motors. children, television and anything else that I happen to think about when the keyboard is within reach.

Commenting is neither required nor ordered but please do so if you wish. Alternately, you can reach me via email at lightsidenotes@gmail.com

Enjoy.

Julie Huggins